the Aftermath
by the squeezy leamon
Summary: Love those wrench to the head and kick to the testicles moments? Well this it the place for you. The first two arnt that good, the rest are good. Please rate and follow!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: we arrive home...

After Ed and Al return from there journies to the east and west of Amestris, they decide to meet back at home to tell tales and share stories and secrets of their various adventures.

Ed is the first to arive home, seemingly pissed at winry for some other reason. Granny clearly didn't help by stating '' you haven't grown at all, I bet Al is probably twice your size!''

Ed clearly didn't take this comment well as he continued to ramble on about granny being an old washed up fart who stank like ass and needed to die in a hole.

Granny replied by throwing a spade to Ed and saying '' start digging, if I'm going to die in a hole, it better be nice''

After a while a small figure appeared in the distance, it was Al. On closer inspection, Al had grown a lot more muscle and looked in good shape.

''See I told u Ed, he is taller and better looking than u, I'd rather have him dig the hole.''

Ed was about to use his prize comeback which envoled some choice words when he took a large wrench to the forehead, coming from non other that Winry.

'' Al is back and all you too dumbshits can think about arguing?!'' Said Winry

''Yeah, but why didn't granny get a metalic object lodged into the front of her skull like me?!'' Cried ED

Al decided to do what was right and suggest that they go inside and hound down whatever food was in the house...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: fools will be fools

1 April

Al awoke to a nipple twister from hell, a painful pressure on his crotch courtesy from Ed's knee. He opened his eyes only to see the face of Ed screaming "HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY." He was fortunate to catch a glimpse of a large metal object in the shape of a wrench fly directly into Ed's large forehead. Checking to make sure he had not grown a second head, Ed continued to use some choice words usually ment for granny. Before Ed could finnish his sentence about Winry not being able to fix the straight side of granny's ass, he felt that his pants were pulled to his ankles followed by a unbelievable pain thanks to a well placed kick to the balls from AL. "Happy APRIL FOOLS DAY TO YOU TOO BROTHER" said Al. At the breakfast table Al decided to reviel his news to the rest of the family. '' I'm gay'' said AL. By this time Ed was at the point of a nervious break down, he procceded to bar the windows, and tied his brother to his chair making sure that his ass was furmly on the chair, and would not be going anywhere soon. '' Are you sure that you are gay, be carefull when you answer this... Cause if you are, I'm going to administer a powerfull kick to the crotch!'' Threatened ED. ''APRIL FOOLS!'' Said Al in his most diminishing voice.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: date from hell(part 1)

Al came home with some great news, of coarse Ed and Winry came running, but Granny just busied herself with her usual day to day chores. ''You remember May Ching from shing?''

"Holy shit that rhymes" interrupted Ed, just before he took a well placed kick to the crotch from Winry. "Go on" said Winry trying not to notice Ed, who was curled up on his side with both hands on his crotch, screaming " Good God I think I'm going to die, I don't want to see that white bastard with the squeaky voice again!''

Al decided to continue. "Well May Is coming to visit later and I'd like us all to go out somewhere." Before he could finnish Winry was planning Everybody's outfit, and picking the time and place. Ed decided to take Al out to the field for MAN TALK. '' Listen Al, we need to talk on how to act around a Girl." Claimed Ed. '' Don't listen to any old Crap that Granny and Winry tell you, What do they know about the ways a Woman works, Am I right?"... "How do you think I get Winry into bed?"Exclaimed Ed, and out of nowhere he saw the shadow of a wrench, a cold shiver ran down Ed's spine. "What do I know ey old eddy boy?" Asked Winry with a slightly smug yet content look on her face. Ed had almost no time to answer before receiving his daily beat down via large object. Al calmly stopped the fight and sent Winry away at the same tome scolding her for interrupting man talk. " Back to the task at hand" said Al turning to face a beaten down Ed who in spite of everything still looked like a man with a plan. Then Ed decided to say with a smirk on his face, " I am second to none when it comes to woman!''. Al calmly put his hand on Ed's shoulder and replied '' I beg to differ, I have a taller body, taller temper and a taller dick than you LITTLE MAN!". Ed went into a blind rage, similar to that of a rouge elephant. After a few minutes and some of Ed"s classic anger vocabulary, Ed calmed down and made a suggestion. " Let's make a wager, whoever can be the most romantic tonight is the best lover, deal?". Al took the deal and shook Ed's hand.

A few hours later, May Ching arrived, only this time she was a lot taller, and certain extremities had grown. She was so exited to see Al that she ran full pace and tackled him to the ground. " That's one for me" said Al aside, grinning wildly at Ed. Ed decided to score one back by walking past and giving Winry a tap on her ass. Ed ended up with his head in the dirt, and two sore testicles.

On the way, Ed and Al told their dates about the Wager. Both responded by laughing and calling it silly, but they could see the fire in each others eyes and the blatant intent to win. "Its so cold." Whispered Winry to Ed in her most tantalizing voice. Ed responded by wrapping his arms around Winry... Al did the same, clearly this was a competition of epic proportions. As the night rolled on, many of these small competitions took place.

"I love my man, don't u..." Said May in her most schoolgirl like voice. This clearly pissed of Winry, she decided to pull out the big guns by zipping her dress down to show off a bit of cleavage and resting her breasts on Ed and wrapping her arms around him. Ed was so surprised his nose started to bleed. May sat on Al's lap putting her legs around him, Al's nose was now bleeding aswell. Both Ed and Al rushed off to the bathroom to have a small Man talk and wash their noses(in heinsight this was not the best of ideas)...

Hey guys, thanks for reading, if u liked this and want more, follow this and ill have the rest of Ed and Al's crazy adventures up soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: date from hell (part 2)

Once Ed and Al had tended to their wounds, they decided to go bach to the table and try to stop this competition. '' Do we have to stop this Al, I mean, think of the perks, I felt boobs. BOOBS MAN!"Begged ED. "Ok, Ok. But we have to make sure this doesn't get out of hand." Agreed Al. They both decided to return to the table together. Upon return, the sight that Ed and Al saw was both intriguing and horrifying... Winry had her biggest wrench out and poised to strike, while on the other side May had her throwing knives out. Both Boys decided to stay close to the wall. The girls where screaming insults at each other. '' I'm not calling you a slut, but you must have short term virginity loss'' shouted May. " Do you shit a lot, or do your eyes natural squint'' Snapped Winry. "Hey Hey calm down girls" said Ed but before he knew it he had 5 daggers forming a trans-mutation circle around his crotch.

"Say another word and Ed loses his man-hood'' threatened May. "How the F-" before Ed could finish I'd prize word, Alphonze caught a flying wrench to the gut. '' Touch Ed and I take of Al's Testicles"

"Hey Al..." Whispered Ed "lets make a run for it and sort this out in a less public place"

"3...2...1..GO!" Shouted Al.

Both guys sprinted out of the restaurant at full speed leaving the girls with the bill...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: moving

"After last nights Drama, I can expect a kick in my manhood soon" Ed stated, looking quite scared. "Relax, the girls arnt even home yet" said Al "and besides, we just ran out, who knows what shit happened after that!". "I'm telling you Al, both those girls had their periods at the same time, that's like hell on earth!.. That guy that swallowed 'God' is like a pile of horse shit compared to two girls with periods!" Said Ed loudly. "Shhhhhh" scolded Al "I think they're coming, Oh Whyyyyy!". " You think we have time to get out the window and run" whispered Ed, but it was too late, he could already feel the steel on his face and the kick to the cock. By this time Al was already shitting himself for the sight of May and her daggers alone were enough to make a grown man soil himself. Ed and Al decided they should get some kind of protection, they continued by strapping themselves with pillows, and blankets until they could bearly move and you could only see their heads. They could hear the girls coming up the stairs, there slow footsteps and light chatter were enough to make Ed have a small accident in his pants. As the door opened Both Ed and Al decided to dive for cover, this turned out to be an epic fail because the pillows and blankets had them in a death grip. May and Winry walked in only to see two heads and a pile of bedding on the ground. " There they are" said May, but not in the voice the boys were expecting, in a more soft baby voice. "we are so sorry, we ran out because our manhood is precious to us!" Screamed Ed. "Don't worry Ed my dear" Said Winry in a kind unfermilier voice. Ed almost pissed his pants for the second time in a day, he had never heard Winry speak in a voice like that. May was busy helping Al out of his Pillow fortress and Winry decided to do the same with Ed. " What the hell!" Screamed Ed, " you two were ready to kill each other and you were going to take our testicles down with you last night, what happened!?". "We decided to talk it out, and we calmed down" said May. "See Ed I told you buying her those expensive period pads would work" exclaimed Al with a triumphant smile on he's face, that smile soon faded after May threatened to cut out his nipples. " We have an idea that I think u boys will like, let's just go downstairs to discuss it". Proposed Winry.

Downstairs Winry stood up to make her announcement. " May and I have been talking, and we think that All four of us should Buy an Apartment" ... Ed jumped up immediately saying " wooohooo! Now we can make as much noise as we want... Know what I mean Bro? Ey, Ey." Just after Ed finished winking at his brother and stressing his point, he received a slap to the back of his head by none other than Granny. "Control your hormones, you horney little douchbag" said granny in her best adult voice. " If you guys are moving out then take all your shit with you!" Laughed granny

Eventually they all found a two bedroom house near Granny's place. " This. Is it" proclaimed Winry, " time to move in"...

Hey guys, pleaaaase follow, I need more followers, leave a review, I need your feedback, even if its harsh... If you want more, follow this book, hope to see you soon. I send my followers sneak peaks...


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